Whatever

It all started with my mother making us go to church, I remember her waking me up forcing me to get out of bed and it made me hate going there, it was that kind of stuff that made me and my brother angry and it set up our lives for us. We were born to be angry and sad, and look how it turned out, two lost souls who don’t even know what to do with their lives. You shouldn’t make anything forced or children just want to rebel and create disasters. Every parent should know that, and I think my mom has forgotten, because now she just blames it on the wind. It catches me in an essence and makes me so furious with anger, I am my own person I am not a failure. I think about that all the time, how I don’t want to be a failure because so many have failed before me that it is just locked deep within me. I am left with the sadness and guilt I feel for not being where I think I should be, but none of this is my fault because I am just learning. I feel stuck which many others would say, but no I am actually stuck and I don’t feel like I can ever move. I don’t even talk, I don’t really like to talk because it gets me nowhere unless you just fake it. Like you can’t go anywhere without feeling like you need to create some social atmosphere that no one else is involved in just so you aren’t deemed weird or awkward. Like what is this world and why am I just now seeing everything, it’s so confusing and chaotic that I just feel like a volcano all the time pouring out everything I have and it just all blowing up in my face. All I have is myself, like if you really think about it, it’s all you have and that is who you have to deal with for the rest of your life so what are we really doing.